ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
