We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
