Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
