I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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