I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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