i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
