I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
