Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
