Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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