Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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