why didn't you poke me back
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
