dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
