If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
