They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
