I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
