D3 body, D1 cock
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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