so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
