walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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