I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
