just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
