I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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