apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am mentally ready for anal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
