What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
