At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
