my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
