So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
