PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
