I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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