I want you more than these girls want KFC
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
