Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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