Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
