We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
