you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
