PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Say something about gay babies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
