Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
