so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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