We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
