9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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