I want to have your abortion
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
