I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
