got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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