Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
