Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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