Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
