so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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