Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
