she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
