If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
