my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
