why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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