So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm bleeding and have questions
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
