Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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