The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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