I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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