the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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